No Doubt

 I fall deeper into an oblivion, but my dogs and cat keep me here. 

I don't know what the future holds (as no one does), but my despair is all consuming.

Thank you Mary Ellen, Gimli, Chapman, and Bugs...for making me hold on.

 I've neve known love...at a human level. Only animal (dog or cat) level. What does that say about me? What that does mean in the grand scheme of things?

I just don't know. 

I crave it. And yet it will never be.

What does it mean to die never knowing true human love?

Thank God for the animals...

I've come to realize...

 ...without my pets, I would not be. 

I lost my 15 year old Brittany, Frodo, two weeks ago. He was my peace in this world.

I literally have no one (human) to provide even a speck of peace otherwise. Family is either non-existent, or causing great harm. Friends are only friends when convenient, don't reach out unless they need something, or proving not to be as close as I thought they were. Or maybe that I hoped they were.

I'm shutting down. That is clear. I fear for the future. 

However, the one bright light...I am taking in another needy soul. And he, in turn, will provide me the purpose that otherwise is lacking.

RIP Frodo. Your absence feels like the weight of the world on my soul. Thank you for getting me through these past two years.

Frodo ( (Photo credit: Me.)

The world went crazy for me before it went "crazy" crazy...

I haven't posted in a LONG time...I've found that to write these "tributes", I have to be in the right state of mind and they must flow effortlessly.
Nothing has felt effortless in the past few years. As I'm sure everyone experiences at some level, things become cumbersome. For me, as much work as they can be sometimes, my pets aren't ever a burden. I feel complete when I provide for their needs and when I can protect them from the world. In a lot of ways, I wish I could switch places with them. What it must feel like to be able to count on someone so completely...
Why are humans so difficult? Why do most veer and betray? When does it ever come to acceptance and appreciation of someone's efforts?
Animals give this. Usually when they stray, it's the effect of what a person did.
They truly are the better beings and I thank the Higher Power for them.

I currently have four wonderful beings letting me care for them. At least two, if not three, have some pretty major issues going on right now. However, it is my pleasure to be their dog mom and what I get back is more than worth the sleep loss and worry...

Manos (Photo credit: Me.)

Frodo & Gimli (Photo credit: Me.)

Mary (Photo credit: Me.)

Missy

Cancer survivor, but a different type got her in the end. A year and a half of quality life extended, though. She was a trooper and flourished.

Missy (right) and Winnie. (Photo credit: Me.)

RIP Mona

Lost Mona to kidney failure in May. I miss her so much. Here's her last picture at home...before the last trip.

Mona with Wheatie (Photo credit: Me.)

 At least she looked content with her brother Wheatie.

Tough Time

I currently have six dogs...and I've had six dogs at once before. However, this time it's harder for some reason. I wouldn't part with any of them for anything (and I do mean ANYTHING), but one of the reasons it's harder this time, I believe, is because almost all of them have a health or behavior issue.

Wheatie, my oldest, was diagnosed with degenerative myeopathy several years ago, but it finally progressed after Patch died. I continue to have acupuncture and underwater treadmill therapy done for him. The acupuncture kept his disease from progressing beyond muscle spasms for about three years! Although he's very cognizant and has a can-do attitude, Wheatie's mobility has significantly declined. This harsh winter and the slippery yard has not helped and he's had many pee accidents over the past several months. Ever the gentleman, he has them in the kitchen where they're easily cleaned up, but having him outside to do his business for a half hour, only to bring him in and him pee is frustrating.

Mona is the most worrisome right now. She has kidney disease that popped up a few months ago. I worry it was brought on by her diminishing eyesight and a fear of getting pounced on (in play) by a dog I was dog-sitting around that time. She's gotten better, but still seems touch-and-go to me at times. I'm awaiting blood work results to see if she's indeed in kidney failure. Getting her to eat adequately is the real struggle right now.

Winnie has heart disease, but that is being controlled with medication and she appears fine. My biggest frustration with her is her coprophagia. It's the one behavior that actually takes a toll on my human-animal bond. Not enough to break it, but definitely stress it. Worse yet, I think she "talks" a few of the others into doing it. ("Hmm, if she's eating it, it must be something to consume...")

Missy has recovered nicely from her second cruciate surgery, but my issue that popped up with her after the last surgery was having accidents on her bed. I attributed it to bad knees and it feeling better to squat on a poofy structure, but having to put bloomers on her and her knowing how to get them off is aggravating. Then, over the past four months when I'm having late days, she's become anxious and pooping in her crate often. This from a dog who has been thoroughly crate trained. With her accidents, I can't trust her out, so I have to deal. And now, she's on the kidney disease watch list. (sigh)

Calin has separation anxiety, but that's to be expected after being abandoned by his home of nearly nine years and going through two other homes before coming to me. It can be annoying to hear him yip after being outside without me for more than five minutes, and while I understand, I wish I could have him understand he's finally home. I think he would prefer to be an only dog and have all of my attention, but that is just impossible (and always will be). He has some health issues related to periodic blood and mucous in his stool. Tests have been inconclusive, but the worry now is diabetes/thyroid/kidney. His water consumption has increased significantly over the past several months. I await blood work results on him, too.

Manos' (my newest) only issues are occasional pee accidents, although she's learning, copping thanks to Winnie & Missy, and alarm barking. Her alarm barking is getting better, but when you have six dogs, one barks and the others take notice. She IS a good alarm system, though. One squeak, creak, car door slam, loud noise and she tells me. She can cool it a bit, though. ("That door squeak is just ME coming out of the bathroom, silly!") And BTW, Manos is my youngest at 7 1/2.

I can honestly say this is the last time I will have this quantity again. I'm skating the line of quantity and quality and I don't want to do that. I have to feel they get my quality time and they have a quality life. They probably have it better than most dogs, but my expectations are high for my children. I want to be the good dog mom I envision.
If only I could find that dog dad to help...