Sorrow

 I've felt the sorrow of losing my pets, some earlier than I expected. Fozie was one that changed me forever.

Last year, I experienced a human sorrow I wasn't expecting and didn't realize would destroy me.

My mom died 7/17/24...after a tortuous nearly year and a half after a surgery that was supposed to give her relief for the first time in 50 years. 

This has left me devastated. That, coupled with my dad having Alzheimer's and the upcoming loss of the job I've had for 29 years, has left me broken. I truly don't know if I will survive this.

No Doubt

 I fall deeper into an oblivion, but my dogs and cat keep me here. 

I don't know what the future holds (as no one does), but my despair is all consuming.

Thank you Mary Ellen, Gimli, Chapman, and Bugs...for making me hold on.

 I've neve known love...at a human level. Only animal (dog or cat) level. What does that say about me? What that does mean in the grand scheme of things?

I just don't know. 

I crave it. And yet it will never be.

What does it mean to die never knowing true human love?

Thank God for the animals...

I've come to realize...

 ...without my pets, I would not be. 

I lost my 15 year old Brittany, Frodo, two weeks ago. He was my peace in this world.

I literally have no one (human) to provide even a speck of peace otherwise. Family is either non-existent, or causing great harm. Friends are only friends when convenient, don't reach out unless they need something, or proving not to be as close as I thought they were. Or maybe that I hoped they were.

I'm shutting down. That is clear. I fear for the future. 

However, the one bright light...I am taking in another needy soul. And he, in turn, will provide me the purpose that otherwise is lacking.

RIP Frodo. Your absence feels like the weight of the world on my soul. Thank you for getting me through these past two years.

Frodo ( (Photo credit: Me.)

The world went crazy for me before it went "crazy" crazy...

I haven't posted in a LONG time...I've found that to write these "tributes", I have to be in the right state of mind and they must flow effortlessly.
Nothing has felt effortless in the past few years. As I'm sure everyone experiences at some level, things become cumbersome. For me, as much work as they can be sometimes, my pets aren't ever a burden. I feel complete when I provide for their needs and when I can protect them from the world. In a lot of ways, I wish I could switch places with them. What it must feel like to be able to count on someone so completely...
Why are humans so difficult? Why do most veer and betray? When does it ever come to acceptance and appreciation of someone's efforts?
Animals give this. Usually when they stray, it's the effect of what a person did.
They truly are the better beings and I thank the Higher Power for them.

I currently have four wonderful beings letting me care for them. At least two, if not three, have some pretty major issues going on right now. However, it is my pleasure to be their dog mom and what I get back is more than worth the sleep loss and worry...

Manos (Photo credit: Me.)

Frodo & Gimli (Photo credit: Me.)

Mary (Photo credit: Me.)

Missy

Cancer survivor, but a different type got her in the end. A year and a half of quality life extended, though. She was a trooper and flourished.

Missy (right) and Winnie. (Photo credit: Me.)

RIP Mona

Lost Mona to kidney failure in May. I miss her so much. Here's her last picture at home...before the last trip.

Mona with Wheatie (Photo credit: Me.)

 At least she looked content with her brother Wheatie.