Sorrow

 I've felt the sorrow of losing my pets, some earlier than I expected. Fozie was one that changed me forever.

Last year, I experienced a human sorrow I wasn't expecting and didn't realize would destroy me.

My mom died 7/17/24...after a tortuous nearly year and a half after a surgery that was supposed to give her relief for the first time in 50 years. 

This has left me devastated. That, coupled with my dad having Alzheimer's and the upcoming loss of the job I've had for 29 years, has left me broken. I truly don't know if I will survive this.

No Doubt

 I fall deeper into an oblivion, but my dogs and cat keep me here. 

I don't know what the future holds (as no one does), but my despair is all consuming.

Thank you Mary Ellen, Gimli, Chapman, and Bugs...for making me hold on.

 I've neve known love...at a human level. Only animal (dog or cat) level. What does that say about me? What that does mean in the grand scheme of things?

I just don't know. 

I crave it. And yet it will never be.

What does it mean to die never knowing true human love?

Thank God for the animals...

I've come to realize...

 ...without my pets, I would not be. 

I lost my 15 year old Brittany, Frodo, two weeks ago. He was my peace in this world.

I literally have no one (human) to provide even a speck of peace otherwise. Family is either non-existent, or causing great harm. Friends are only friends when convenient, don't reach out unless they need something, or proving not to be as close as I thought they were. Or maybe that I hoped they were.

I'm shutting down. That is clear. I fear for the future. 

However, the one bright light...I am taking in another needy soul. And he, in turn, will provide me the purpose that otherwise is lacking.

RIP Frodo. Your absence feels like the weight of the world on my soul. Thank you for getting me through these past two years.

Frodo ( (Photo credit: Me.)

The world went crazy for me before it went "crazy" crazy...

I haven't posted in a LONG time...I've found that to write these "tributes", I have to be in the right state of mind and they must flow effortlessly.
Nothing has felt effortless in the past few years. As I'm sure everyone experiences at some level, things become cumbersome. For me, as much work as they can be sometimes, my pets aren't ever a burden. I feel complete when I provide for their needs and when I can protect them from the world. In a lot of ways, I wish I could switch places with them. What it must feel like to be able to count on someone so completely...
Why are humans so difficult? Why do most veer and betray? When does it ever come to acceptance and appreciation of someone's efforts?
Animals give this. Usually when they stray, it's the effect of what a person did.
They truly are the better beings and I thank the Higher Power for them.

I currently have four wonderful beings letting me care for them. At least two, if not three, have some pretty major issues going on right now. However, it is my pleasure to be their dog mom and what I get back is more than worth the sleep loss and worry...

Manos (Photo credit: Me.)

Frodo & Gimli (Photo credit: Me.)

Mary (Photo credit: Me.)

Missy

Cancer survivor, but a different type got her in the end. A year and a half of quality life extended, though. She was a trooper and flourished.

Missy (right) and Winnie. (Photo credit: Me.)

RIP Mona

Lost Mona to kidney failure in May. I miss her so much. Here's her last picture at home...before the last trip.

Mona with Wheatie (Photo credit: Me.)

 At least she looked content with her brother Wheatie.

Tough Time

I currently have six dogs...and I've had six dogs at once before. However, this time it's harder for some reason. I wouldn't part with any of them for anything (and I do mean ANYTHING), but one of the reasons it's harder this time, I believe, is because almost all of them have a health or behavior issue.

Wheatie, my oldest, was diagnosed with degenerative myeopathy several years ago, but it finally progressed after Patch died. I continue to have acupuncture and underwater treadmill therapy done for him. The acupuncture kept his disease from progressing beyond muscle spasms for about three years! Although he's very cognizant and has a can-do attitude, Wheatie's mobility has significantly declined. This harsh winter and the slippery yard has not helped and he's had many pee accidents over the past several months. Ever the gentleman, he has them in the kitchen where they're easily cleaned up, but having him outside to do his business for a half hour, only to bring him in and him pee is frustrating.

Mona is the most worrisome right now. She has kidney disease that popped up a few months ago. I worry it was brought on by her diminishing eyesight and a fear of getting pounced on (in play) by a dog I was dog-sitting around that time. She's gotten better, but still seems touch-and-go to me at times. I'm awaiting blood work results to see if she's indeed in kidney failure. Getting her to eat adequately is the real struggle right now.

Winnie has heart disease, but that is being controlled with medication and she appears fine. My biggest frustration with her is her coprophagia. It's the one behavior that actually takes a toll on my human-animal bond. Not enough to break it, but definitely stress it. Worse yet, I think she "talks" a few of the others into doing it. ("Hmm, if she's eating it, it must be something to consume...")

Missy has recovered nicely from her second cruciate surgery, but my issue that popped up with her after the last surgery was having accidents on her bed. I attributed it to bad knees and it feeling better to squat on a poofy structure, but having to put bloomers on her and her knowing how to get them off is aggravating. Then, over the past four months when I'm having late days, she's become anxious and pooping in her crate often. This from a dog who has been thoroughly crate trained. With her accidents, I can't trust her out, so I have to deal. And now, she's on the kidney disease watch list. (sigh)

Calin has separation anxiety, but that's to be expected after being abandoned by his home of nearly nine years and going through two other homes before coming to me. It can be annoying to hear him yip after being outside without me for more than five minutes, and while I understand, I wish I could have him understand he's finally home. I think he would prefer to be an only dog and have all of my attention, but that is just impossible (and always will be). He has some health issues related to periodic blood and mucous in his stool. Tests have been inconclusive, but the worry now is diabetes/thyroid/kidney. His water consumption has increased significantly over the past several months. I await blood work results on him, too.

Manos' (my newest) only issues are occasional pee accidents, although she's learning, copping thanks to Winnie & Missy, and alarm barking. Her alarm barking is getting better, but when you have six dogs, one barks and the others take notice. She IS a good alarm system, though. One squeak, creak, car door slam, loud noise and she tells me. She can cool it a bit, though. ("That door squeak is just ME coming out of the bathroom, silly!") And BTW, Manos is my youngest at 7 1/2.

I can honestly say this is the last time I will have this quantity again. I'm skating the line of quantity and quality and I don't want to do that. I have to feel they get my quality time and they have a quality life. They probably have it better than most dogs, but my expectations are high for my children. I want to be the good dog mom I envision.
If only I could find that dog dad to help...

Remembrance, Old & New

May 31st is Freckles and Fozie’s birthdays. I lost Freckles in 1992 and Fozie in 1999.

I lost Patch on 4/22/14

Patch & Me (Photo credit: Angela.)

and Bowie on 5/22/14.

Bowie sleeping (Photo credit: Me.)

I miss them all.

A Few Of My Reasons For Being...

Mona & Patch (Photo credit: Me.)

Wheatie (Photo credit: Me.)

Bowie (Photo credit: Me.)

Calin & Winnie (Photo credit: Me.)

Must watch dog movie! Beyond The Myth free on Hulu for a limited time.

Every person should watch this movie. Go here to do so:

http://www.hulu.com/watch/417334#i0,p0,d0

Your babies become my babies

I do some dog (and cat) sitting here and there, mainly for family and friends, but a few others as well. Since I work in animal care and with a lot of dogs specifically, I have an excellent grasp on the care needed, but also connecting with the dogs. The longest I cared for someone else's dog was a full month when they were WAY out of the country. The current care-giving has been nearly two weeks. And although this puts a slight stress on some of my own dogs (and cat) when the guests are younger and more energetic (all of my dogs are seniors), the dogs always incorporate into my household nicely.

I had a realization the other day when loving on the guest dogs: They totally trust me and show love immediately for caring for them. The look on their faces and in their eyes is priceless and I can't even fathom those who betray that trust. Dogs are so pure and really do make you feel like a better person just for providing for them.

When a dog enters my home, they do truly become mine while they are with me, no matter the length of stay. Their parents should feel great relief in that, for that level of commitment can be hard to find.

 

 

 

Jasper & Joey take over the couch. (Photo credit: Me.)

Mine don't care too much: Calin took over THEIR bed. LOL. (Photo credit: Me.)

The Story Of An Eye (part three - finale)

Long delay in updating, I know! So, on with the “story”: The conclusion.

Back to more rechecks. I took Mona all the way to Columbus for one of the first rechecks since the melting corneal ulcer was diagnosed. The eye not only had the ulcer, but there was a small area where the cornea was so thin that the specialist said the eye could start leaking fluid/blood, meaning the eye would no longer be viable. What’s more, she was not sure the eye had vision anymore. We would hold out hope, though.

The next recheck, the eye/ulcer was looking better and there was a slim chance Mona still had vision in the eye. However, the following week, a different eye specialist working that day didn’t think so. Since this was the first time I had seen this particular specialist and wasn’t very “impressed” with her as much as the other two, I didn’t let that completely dash my hopes. More rechecks and the result was what I didn’t want to hear: Mona’s vision, which had been restored by the surgery, was now gone in that eye. More so, and this is the kicker, that thin area was still at risk of giving, so the eye needed to be removed completely. As a matter of fact, the eye was starting to atrophy, so the body was more or less trying to absorb the now un-functioning structure. Luckily, my own vet could do that, saving me money and Mona a trip to Columbus.

No more left eye, right after surgery. (Photo credit: Me.)

It's a big bummer for two main reasons: 1) Mona did get her vision back in the eye for awhile. I chose to go for the surgeries with the mindset that, as a Chihuahua, she could easily live to her 20s and therefore had half her life left to live. To do that with full vision really was the most optimal for her well-being. To have her get her sight back and then lose it again really sucked. 2) I spent A LOT of money on the surgeries and aftercare. Money wasn't going to totally dis-sway me. I would do anything for my babies. But, it was extremely disappointing because of the final result. 

That being said, Mona is great. She's adjusted to only partial vision just fine. I always make sure she knows what's coming from that blind side, though. The last thing I want is for her to develop any anxiety from things startling her because she didn't see something coming.

"I don't need no stinkin' eye . . ." (Photo credit: Me.)

 

The Story Of An Eye (part two)

Getting Mona’s cataract and glaucoma surgeries done was going to be tricky since she had to go to Columbus for it and I had a very hectic work schedule around that time. Luckily, my city’s emergency clinic would transport her to Columbus for a fee. I jumped on that option and took her in early (we’re talking 5:30 AM) on a Monday in September last year. Her surgeries were Tuesday and she would have to stay for at least three days to have her eye pressure checked regularly. This in and of itself was stressful for me, not having my dog, but I could only imagine how it was for Mona. At least I knew what was going on. All she knew was she was away from home with strangers.

Her surgeries went good and the specialist was confident eye sight had been restored. But, her eye pressure started going up. Evidently they go conservative with lasering glaucoma (you can go back in but you can’t put it back), so after spending the weekend at the hospital, I was told they had to go back in. After that, her eye pressure was good. Eleven days later, I get my dog back in an ecollar and on five different eye meds, some which were to be given four times a day, and two oral meds. 

Surgery was on her left eye. (Photo credit: Me.)

She would have rechecks every week to two weeks for a little while to ensure everything was healing nicely and the eye pressure was good. And it was. I got the go-ahead to take off her ecollar, although meds would continue for awhile. I left the ecollar on one more day, then took it off. Then, the following Monday when I got home from work, she was squinting. By Tuesday, I could tell she had a corneal ulcer. Ecollar: Back on (to her dismay). Upon recheck, diagnosis: Melting corneal ulcer (basically meaning infected).

Oh boy. 

Melting corneal ulcer. (Photo credit: Me.)

How will this story end? Stay tuned for the final installment of "The Story Of An Eye".

The Story Of An Eye (part one)

Back in June, I had a dental and skin biopsies done on my long-haired Chihuahua, Mona. She had had some fur loss in some places for a little while and her normally big, fluffy tail was lacking. Little did I know at the time that her skin and coat issues (hormone-related) would be the least of her problems.

Shortly after those procedures, I noticed what looked to be a cataract forming in Mona’s left eye. Bummer, but not too unusual for an 11 year old Chihuahua. However, it popped up so fast that it just baffled me. Nonetheless, after keeping an eye on the eye (har har), I finally consulted with my vet about it. In looking at it in passing (I was there for one of my other dogs and Mona was along for the ride, as always), he suggested consulting with an eye specialist. My thinking is it caught his eye (har har) as being more than a cataract. And it was. She was now at least largely blind in that eye (I HAD noticed some missteps on her part). But, she also had glaucoma, causing higher than normal pressure of the eye. This meant surgery. A whoppingly expensive surgery. The good news was that there was a large chance that her vision would be restored in the eye. So, being the dog (and cat) mom that I am, I swallowed the shock of the estimate and went for it. That’s what credit cards are for, right? Plus, I have pet insurance for her, so I was hoping to recoup some back. However, the story didn’t end with the surgery. Nor did the financial and emotional toll end there, either. 

Stay tuned for part two of "The Story Of An Eye".

Mona before any eye troubles. (Photo credit: Me.)

FYI

It looks like Beyond The Myth is currently not playing on hulu. I will post the link to it when it is playing again (or anywhere for free). I encourage all to search for it in the meantime.

In the spirit of the movie, here are two pics I found online:

Must See TV

If you have dogs, are around dogs, know someone who has or is around dogs, love Pit Bulls, hate Pit Bulls, or are indifferent about Pit Bulls, please watch this free movie. It is imperative to judge all dogs as individuals based on their behavior, not as a breed as a whole and looks alone.
Emotions can be high on both sides of the spectrum: It is horrible if anyone is hurt/killed by a dog AND it is horrible if a dog is hurt (i.e., taken away from its family/put down) due to the actions of another that they look like. Imagine if you were ostracized if a distance relative of yours was a criminal? That wouldn't be fair, would it?

Beyond the Myth (2012) 

Watch - http://www.hulu.com/watch/417334

Details: Unfairly known as violent killers, Pit Bulls have suffered from the stigma of negative media coverage that has lead to city-wide bans across the country.

Movie | Aired on 05/05/2012 | Not Rated | 1 hr. 34 min. |

This Says It All

(Photo credit unknown.)

We Are Lennox

Surprise! A second post today. You know what they say, when inspiration hits...

Patch: "I am a Dalmatian mix. It is known that the white color of Dalmatians can lead to deafness or hearing issues. This can make a Dalmatian snappy due to being startled from not hearing you. Even I have grumbled on occasion, particularly at the vet when they did something I did not like. However, my mommie worked with me and always warns people of my limitations. I like going to the vet now and can be trusted as much as any dog can be. I would hate for all Dalmatians to be deemed dangerous across the board, taken from their families, and put to sleep before their time. I AM LENNOX!"

(Photo credit: Me.)

Mona:" I am a Long-Haired Chihuahua. I was a stray that my mommie caught and turned into the animal shelter, sure my former people would be looking for me (they weren't). I was scared to death at the shelter and when my mommie called to check on me the next day, the staff said I would be put down due to fear aggression. Because my mommie is an animal lover and truly wants to help pets, she asked the staff is she could adopt me since she turned me in. She felt an immediate responsibility for me (lucky me!) and they let her take me...LUCKY ME! (Funny, I would've been free if mommie would've never turned me in to the shelter, but she paid $100 to get me out. LOL mommie!) Mommie worked with me and knows my limitations, warning people when to back off (especially kids since I don't care for them), and I have turned out to be such a good little girl. Chihuahuas have a reputation for being nasty, but I would hate for all of us to be deemed unsuitable to live. I AM LENNOX!"

(Photo credit: Me.)

In Memory Of Lennox

I came to learn of Lennox through links on Twitter. Not sure exactly when I learned of him, but the circumstances surrounding this dog spoke to me, as does any case of injustice towards an animal. Read more about the specifics of Lennox at http://www.savelennox.co.uk/ *Note: The website is down until 7/22/12, so please check back if you are reading my blog before that date. If the site changes its url, I will come back and post it in a new post.
You can also read about the campaign to save Lennox here: http://savelennox.com/ That being said, the campaign to specifically save Lennox has ended because he was euthanized on 7/11/12. However, the memory of Lennox will never end. While it is tremendously sad and upsetting that he is gone, perhaps he will be the one who finally changes breed specific legislation. I work in animal care and I know you have to take dogs as individuals. If you don't, you are foolish, prone to getting hurt, and will be limited in your success in dog training. I learned this long ago and it is re-emphasized on a regular basis.
If there are any specifics you want to talk about concerning Lennox's story, please post a comment. There are already so many things on the internet that I don't want to re-hash too much. I simply want to pass on this lovely piece by Lennox's family.

(Photo credit: https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=447890705231210&set=pb.125005200853097.-2207520000.1351442846&type=3&theater)